JJ BANKS’ Blog

Resident Evil 5
Published By: Capcom
Developed By: Capcom
Genre: Third-Person Action

     “Resident Evil 5″ will be one of the most entertaining experiences you’ll have all year if not you’re whole life, and I mean this compare to any movie, sporting event or donkey show you see this year. The “RE” series continues to thrive with amazing graphics and sound and an engaging story that most action games never fully establish. To say the least this game was the best horror/action experience I’ve had since…well…”Resident Evil 4″.

The dangers of not flossing.

     But unlike “RE 4″ you don’t have to go at it alone this time through and this is what makes “RE 5″ really shine. The Co-Op campaign is where its at with this game. It’s one thing for you to be shitting your pants as infected villagers begin to close in on you but it’s even cooler to hear your friend scream “What the fuck is that?” over X-Box Live when some kind of insane creature makes an appearance. And once the campaign is done there are plenty of action packed Mercenary missions that you and your friend can shoot your way through. However, there are two main characters and one of them is a hot chick named Sheva, so prepared yourself for some awkwardness as you hear your friend’s voice while you check out his character’s ass and rack. Just waring you.

“I’ve got something I could put in you to make you feel better.”

     Now whenever anyone talks about a “Resident Evil” game the topic of controls always comes up and my replay to those gamers that feel that the contorls of “Resident Evil 5″ are lame is “sack up pussy boys!” No, you can’t strafe, jump and shoot you’re way through the boards. This isn’t “Halo”. And thank God its not set-up that way because the whole notion of having to stop-to-shoot is to create suspense and “RE 5″ creates this ten fold. This whole bitching about RE 5’s controls makes me think if these same losers would complain about not being able to drive a Lamborghini because they don’t know how to drive stick? 

     In conclusion, “Resident Evil 5″ has taken everything you loved about “Resident Evil 4″ and made it better. This is without question the frontrunner so far for 2009’s Game of the Year and has earned a #16 spot on my All-Time Video Game List, because seriously does shotgunning someone in the face ever get old?     Â
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5 Green Herbs Out Of 5   Â

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND BEST WISHES IN ‘09!!!

     Wow, when we look back at 2008 years from now I’m sure we’re going to say, “Man, what a shitty fucking year!” But for now let me indulge you with some “Best of ‘08″ lists based on the opinion of the smartest, wittiest, and coolest human being on the planet…me! And if you disagree with any of my choices I’ll come to your house and kill your family.Â
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     Enjoy and God Bless!

BEST BOOKS I READ THIS YEAR
(doesn’t necessarily mean they came out in 2008)

4. The Vengeful Virgin by Gil Brewer

3. In The Money: Strategies for Winning Texas Hold’em Cash Games by Antonio “The Magician” Esfandiari

2. The 9/11 Report: A Graphic Adaptation by Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colon

     After reading this I wish I could tell you that the worst is behind us, but I’m not so sure, especially with an inexperienced jackass moving into The White House.

BOOK OF THE YEAR
Harrington on Hold’em Volume 1: Strategic Play by Dan Harrington

     One of the best poker books ever written.

FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2008

Honorable Mention:
“Vampire Weekend”
Vampire Weekend

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
“Real Emotional Trash”
Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks

     OK, I need to start listening to more new music, but Malkmus and friends released a masterpiece this year.

FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES OF 2008

3. Ninja Gaiden II

     And “yes”, I did finish this game despite its insane and at times brutal difficulty level.

2. Castle Crashers

GAME OF THE YEAR
Grand Theft Auto IV

     This game lived up to all the hype for me and is one the reasons why video games now share the same artistic platform as music and movies.

(Editor’s Note: I’m disappointed I didn’t get to: “Gears of War 2″ or “Left 4 Dead”.)

BEST MOVIES OF 2008

6. Iron Man

5. Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

     My biggest surprise of 2008! The true sequel to the original. 

4. Step Brothers

FILM OF THE YEAR
Cloverfield

     I went back and forth between “Clovie” and “TDK” when determining this, but as cool as “The Dark Knight” was, the theater going experience that was “Cloverfield” made it #1 for me. Throw in some clever internet marketing and an active forum and message board community and you have the most revolutionary and entertaining film of 2008.

(Editor’s Note: I’m disappointed I didn’t get to “Pineapple Express”, “The Wrestler”, “Slumdog Millionaire” and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.)

                                                                                                                        Here I am playing the board “Isolation” in Halo 3.

     Great news guys! I got my X-Box back after experiencing the Red Ring of Death and I’ve been playing Halo 3 nonstop!!! Fuck Yeah! Stay Alpha!!!!

     And since I got my X-Box back in working order I thought this would be a good time to show off my kickass set-up that peasants in third world countries could only dream of obtaining. We’re talking a 56″ Samsung DLP HDTV along with an X-Box 360 Elite that includes the HD DVD add-on. Yeah I know, you don’t have to tell me it rocks.

     Now I’m Audi 5000 because I’ve got to go back to pwning noobs!Â

     Last night my X-Box 360 Elite got the dreaded “Red Ring of Death” and now has to be shipped off to Microsoft and will probably be gone for the next 3 - 4 weeks. And you know what? That’s fine with me.

     Because a funny thing happened last night when I turned on my X-Box and saw the three red lights flashing at me, my heart started pounding and I had a fear in me like one of my family members was in danger. And then I stopped and was ashamed to think how upset I was getting because my X-Box was now out of comission. Here I am about to turn 31 years-old and I’m worried about a fucking video game console. What the fuck am I doing with my life? It made me think….if my X-Box could all of sudden just drop dead, then what about me? And if I did die today, would I have made the most of my life? Who knows how many hours I’ve spent in my lifetime playing video games? Living and dying in a virtual world. But the question is…am I making the most of the opportunities presented to me in The Real World?

     So as of right now I’m done with video games.

     Wait! What I mean is that I’m taking a break from video games. A break that was obviously forced upon me by “The Red Ring of Death”, but even when I do get my fixed X-Box back I don’t plan on playing again anytime soon. Which surprises even myself because I was currently playing GTA IV, which in my opinion might be the best GTA game, if not the best video game ever, and you also got Ninja Gaiden II coming out in June, but I feel this is a great chance to focus on other things I want to accomplish in life. I’ve got my World Series of Poker Event coming up, I want to get back to advancing myself as a filmmaker, and for God’s Sake maybe now I can finally motivate myself to get back in physical shape. Charf, Steams, Coco and everyone else in the SW Community I’ll miss talking to you guys over X-Box Live, but hey I do intend to keep contributing to this Blog in my hiatus. It just seems like this is a good indicator that maybe its time to unlock some achievements that would increase a different kind of gamerscore.  Â

     Traveling up the Northeast Extension of the Pennsylvania Turnpike is like time traveling 25 years into the past, and I’m not just saying this because I spent a Saturday afternoon with Charftong and Graberman playing pinball. I say this because Allentown, PA is a town time has forgotten. For Christ sake I saw a Little Caesar’s Pizza Place in Allentown! Who still has a Little Caesar’s in their town? I thought I was hallucinating. Maybe I should have eaten there though, because if you ever do go to Allentown avoid any kind of beef product. Charf and Graber did that Bar-B-Q sandwich hit you like it hit me later in the day? It’s also sad when the newest and nicest building in your town is a L.A. Fitness. Wow? WTF? But I’ll say this about Allentown, they do have one of the best pinball conventions around going for them, so let’s focus on the positive!

     As much as I love classic video games my passion for pinball might be just as strong. The flick of the flippers, the violence of the bumpers, the thrill of getting a multi-ball or a replay, pinball is equally exciting to me today as it was when I was a kid going to the arcade at the local bowling alley. On that Saturday though I was pretty much “The King of the Ball Save” but I did get better as the day went on. At first it was hard to even get on a machine because it was so crowded, because for $15 at the Pinball Wizards Convention you get to play as many games as you want on a variety of different machines for free, but as the day went on the pinball players thined out and it was easier to play.

     In addition to playing you could also buy any of the machines if you had the scratch to do so. I myself felt bad about this for two reasons. 1. I don’t have enough room in my condo for a big loud-ass pinball machine and 2. Do I really want to drop over a “G” on “The Simpsons Pinball Machine”? Well, the answer to 2. is “yes” but I don’t have the funds right now to do so. If I had a wish list and money wasn’t an issue here are the 3 pinball machines I would buy today: 

                                                                                                                                              Checkpoint Pinball Machine

     I dug all the machines at the convention whether new or old. Most of them were in perfect working condition except for a few that had small problems like weak flippers, broken bumpers or burnt old lights, but overall the games were awesome. Here’s a list of all the games I played:

                                                                                                    The world of professional pinball….what’s the deal with the 7′ gaint watching?

                                                                                                  Charf attracted his own crowd while he rocked out on Family Guy.

     Man, after writing and posting all this I realize I really want a pinball machine of my own. I guess I better do good in the upcoming World Series of Poker.