JJ BANKS’ Blog

Resident Evil 5
Published By: Capcom
Developed By: Capcom
Genre: Third-Person Action

     “Resident Evil 5″ will be one of the most entertaining experiences you’ll have all year if not you’re whole life, and I mean this compare to any movie, sporting event or donkey show you see this year. The “RE” series continues to thrive with amazing graphics and sound and an engaging story that most action games never fully establish. To say the least this game was the best horror/action experience I’ve had since…well…”Resident Evil 4″.

The dangers of not flossing.

     But unlike “RE 4″ you don’t have to go at it alone this time through and this is what makes “RE 5″ really shine. The Co-Op campaign is where its at with this game. It’s one thing for you to be shitting your pants as infected villagers begin to close in on you but it’s even cooler to hear your friend scream “What the fuck is that?” over X-Box Live when some kind of insane creature makes an appearance. And once the campaign is done there are plenty of action packed Mercenary missions that you and your friend can shoot your way through. However, there are two main characters and one of them is a hot chick named Sheva, so prepared yourself for some awkwardness as you hear your friend’s voice while you check out his character’s ass and rack. Just waring you.

“I’ve got something I could put in you to make you feel better.”

     Now whenever anyone talks about a “Resident Evil” game the topic of controls always comes up and my replay to those gamers that feel that the contorls of “Resident Evil 5″ are lame is “sack up pussy boys!” No, you can’t strafe, jump and shoot you’re way through the boards. This isn’t “Halo”. And thank God its not set-up that way because the whole notion of having to stop-to-shoot is to create suspense and “RE 5″ creates this ten fold. This whole bitching about RE 5’s controls makes me think if these same losers would complain about not being able to drive a Lamborghini because they don’t know how to drive stick? 

     In conclusion, “Resident Evil 5″ has taken everything you loved about “Resident Evil 4″ and made it better. This is without question the frontrunner so far for 2009’s Game of the Year and has earned a #16 spot on my All-Time Video Game List, because seriously does shotgunning someone in the face ever get old?     Â
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5 Green Herbs Out Of 5   Â

Heineken
Pale Lager, The Netherlands

      What can I say about Heineken beer? Cool label and logo, check! Cool bottle, check! A premium quality import, check! But wait….is this beer really as good as everyone says it is? I remember as a young lad in my late teens and early twenties when I thought holding and drinking a Heineken was some kind of status symbol among my peers, as if the green bottle was some kind of uppity accessory that successful and cool people should brandish. But what about the taste? Hey back then taste didn’t matter as long as you looked good, right?

      Well I’m in my thirties now and I don’t give a fuck about looking good only feeling good. And while I’m not going to say Heineken tastes horrible, I’m done with the whole “premium quality import” shit. The bitter aftertaste has always bothered me and although there is a crispness to the beer there is also a certain tang I’ve never grown accostumed to. So all those high-fiving douchebags in the high end bars asking for a “Heini” can go screw! 

Can you find the Heineken is this picture?

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